@10:47am 3months, 2 weeks, and 1 day post surgery

Little mister. You met with that big fancy doctor, you know, Dr. Mart, the one that comments on daddy's beard every time he sees it, as if its the first time he has seen it. He was checking up on that heart of yours. He wanted to make sure that the titanium piece in your heart was doing what it was supposed to, plugging that big hole of yours.

First they did an x-ray. You hate those. They force you to put those squishy arms of yours above your head. And if that isn't bad, they stretch your legs straight. You cried. They worried. Dad held you. And it was all better. This process repeated a few times. The doctors had a hard time getting a clear image. It turns out you are a wiggler, who knew?!?

Next they tested your blood pressure. Little do the nurses know, my baby doesn't like laying still for long periods of time. The only way to keep you still enough was to blow teeny tiny bubbles in your face. This worked. You ate as many of those bubbles as you could as they floated around the room and settled on your face. In fact, you did so good focusing on the bubbles and not the blood pressure test, that they jumped at the chance to do an ekg right then and there.

Then, my favorite part. They messured how big and strong you have become! You came in at a whopping 20.5lbs. That's 7lbs since surgery! Its good to see you so "thick," excuse my lack for a better word! You are now 28.5 inches long. No more twiggy limbs, instead, lots of rolls all over you body, perfect for nuzzling...oh and occasionally nibbling!

Your heart is still enlarged. For anyone that knows you, that doesn't comes as a surprise, *wink . Dr. Mart says that your heart tissue stretched before surgery. You see, one of the holes in your heart caused the blood to flow incorrectly. Your heart was working so hard just to pump the blood where it was supposed to go, that it became big in the process. Good news little man. They think you will grow into that enlarged heart just fine!

When Dr. Mart used his fancy stethoscope, he could hardly hear that murmur. He thinks the heart tissue is growing around your titanium plug perfectly, sealing off your heart chambers.

Little mister, momma feels so blessed to have doctors like Dr. Mart to care for little babies like you. Modern medicine is an amazing thing. You are a part of that medicine's progression. They don't know how your heart will react to that titanium piece 20 years from now. They don't know if this will be an effective procedure when your 40. They don't know if that titanium will rub against your heart tissue causing problems. Even those miracles workers don't have all the answers.

I want to question. Just hearing this makes momma cringe. What have I put my baby through? What will you have to endure in the long run? I often worry that the decision i made to have this particular procedure will cause harm down the road, and possibly another surgery. But i keep reminding myself that without smart doctors trying new procedures, we wouldn't have heart surgery at all. And without open heart surgery, i may not have my baby with me today. You are a lucky little man. You were number 3 to get this procedure here in Utah. You were the third baby to have a faster open heart surgery, number three to have a quicker healing process, this makes you a part of history.

Yes, you will have to meet with those big fancy doctors for the rest of your life, and yes, you will have to have all those tests run. But I also know that you will continue to grow even bigger, and even stronger. You will get to play all of those fun games, and get into all kinds of trouble. I love the thought of you living a long healthy life. You have always been a fighter, and little mister, momma wants you to keep on fighting!

love, Momma

big boys don't cry, little ones do

You are my little scaredy cat. I attempted to use my mixer today to make some yummy treats. You cried every time it turned on. Smiled when it went off. It makes baking difficult.

You are also scared of…

My blow-dryer

Vacuuming

When I leave

High pitch voices

The garage door opening

Coughing too loud (whether its you or me)

The dark

sneezes

The movie Avatar

When dad calls your name from downstairs

New people

Sewing Machines

The wind

Turning on the faucet

Your Johnny Jumper

Oddly enough you are not scared of….

Edge of the bed

Falling

Being thrown in the air

The stairs

Sharp objects

Chewing on wires

I can only laugh, i am fairly positive that your fears of everything come from me! You wanna know what i was scared of when i was little?

Yup. I was terrified that these freaky little trolls lived under my bed. I even made your auntie stef take the bottom bunk so that they could get her and not me. These days my fears are limited to the dark. Don't laugh, i get enough of that from your dad!

Love you baby boy,

momma

auntie stef

Steffi left us this week. You know, auntie Steffi. She is momma’s sister. I know you don’t see her much, its because she is always on the move, a lot like you, but she moves states, and sometimes countries. She is the one that jostles you around to make you tough. She has a miraculous way of keeping you happy when you tired, and as a result, causing you to stay up much too late. She loves to run her fingers over your face and babble, and you love it more when she does.

Steffi left us to go to Russia. That’s really far away. Its cold, and Steffi hates the cold. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but she will miss your first Christmas, your first birthday, and even your second birthday while she is there. I will miss her. But not to worry little man, we can write her often. I am sad to see her go but I know she will be doing a good thing while she is gone.

Saying goodbye is never fun. But we made the most of it...

In fact we even threw in a classic jumping pose, the last one til she returns....

(Notice Steffi's sock tan. Oh and Amanda is running in the air.
It doesn't even bother me that our heads of cut off!)

I think you miss her already, i can just tell!

short term memory

Little mister, I just hopes that you didn't get your lack of short term memory from momma. I managed to lock us out of the house yesterday. We cuddled in the car, wrapped in a blanket until we managed to come across a key.


Now that i think about it daddy has a bad short term memory too. So, the chances aren't in your favor that anything will differ, but we sure hope so!

Love, momma.

dear gage

Dear Gage,

I cant wait to see you on the 17th little mister!!! Me and Tay miss your parents so much and cant wait to spend time with your little family!!

Love, Bay and Tay