12.08.2011

Lately...


Lately, you want to be outside. We think you are even trying to say "outside." But then again we may just want you to soooo bad that everything sounds like it to make us happy. The other day upon waking up, and getting your diaper changed, you stood up, grabbed your dads hand, and yanked him down stairs screaming the whole way. With only your diaper on and it being 30 degrees outside, you took our house keys from the entry way table and touched the door. When that didn't magically open it, you hung on the door knob. You hung with all your weight, and even lifted your feet. But still it didn't open, then you pushed with all your might, all the while screaming. Your dad stood there and laughed with every attempted to get that door open. He turned the knob cracked the door, and just enough wind came in to give you the chills and make you realize you didn't want to go outside naked after all.So you grabbed your boots and tried again.

Lately, you are a picky eater. Your body cannot physically take down certain foods, and your body gags it all up until it is all the way out. This has caused problems in public, because who wants to see a babe gag or even vomit? You can't eat eggs, potatoes, most noodles, or mozzarella cheese. We are not sure why. Maybe you take after your mommy after all?!?

Lately, its hard to go grocery shopping with you. I try so hard to be a good momma, and not pay attention to those fits in hopes to get you to stop throwing them for attention. You normally start out fine. I put some mommy food in the cart and you don't seem to mind, i even put some toothpaste  in and you try to reach it for a minute before you give up. But when i put anything that resembles a snack or food that you want, it is a full blown tantrum. It makes the people at check out uncomfortable to watch you scream. They all start offering you stickers and baloons, anything to calm you down. When I explain you just want to cry, or you want the food, i get these looks "do you not feed your child?" I promise, i feed you. And i feed you a lot! That is why a year ago you were in the 11th percentile in weight and now you are in the 80th. You just think you always have to eat. We are working on it.

Lately, you have gotten attached to your blankets. Yes, multiple. One of them is very thick and fuzzy. it looks pretty similar to the throw blanket momma uses to keep warm on the couch. Well, at least it must look a lot like it, because sometimes you rip my blanket right off me saying "mine!" and drag it around to cuddle with it. When you think its yours you refuse to share.

Lately, you are into stacking things. You love to sneak into my bathroom climb on top of the toilet seat facing the wall and stack all my candles on top of each other. When you finish, you round up any other candles you can find and stack those too. I can't complain, at least you are not always getting into the toilet paper. Once you even stood in the grocery cart as I was paying for our food, and you stacked the cans of corn that belonged to lady behind us in line.

Lately, your absolute favorite toy is a hot wheels car. A 1980's brown station wagon. It is one you took from grandma's house. It used to be your dads, so maybe you are more sentimental then we give you credit for, or you just have really bad taste in cars!

Lately, you have learned to climb like a crazy person. You hang on the bar in the bathroom and run your feet up the wall. You also found a way to climb up on mom's bed, you just haven't figured out how to get down. I even caught you standing on the counter and just about had a heart attack. Turns out you climbed up the bar stools and got yourself that drink on the counter since i was ignoring you.

Lately, you love movies. At first it was Cars, there were no scary parts and you could watch it by yourself without having to hide your face in my neck. Then other pixar movies seemed to peak your interest. These days you LOVE Avatar. At first i thought it was the blue people. I just realized it was actually the dragons that get you all sorts of excited.

Lately, you have a special eye and a great memory. You recognize when you are in a Cafe Rios, even if you have never been there or not. We walk in and you run the the register looking for peppermint mints every time, without fail. At Thanksgiving we took you in the backyard of Grandma's house to play in the leaves. Across the street, beyond a field, and up giant hill way off in the distance was a playground you went to once with your cousin James. As you swung your hitting the leaves your attention was immediately focused on that little park way, way, way in the distance and you took off running for it. You didn't even slow down to check both ways when crossing the road! Luckily momma and daddy had caught up to you by then and grabbed a hold of your hands and you dragged us.

Lately, you have a way of making me want to pull my hair out, and also melting my heart. I can't get enough of your laughs, all of them, even the fake one you give your Nana just to make sure she keeps playing with you. I love your kisses, and that you don't know how to pucker so instead you stick out your bottom lip. I love that you grab my face with both hands to tell me something serious. I love that you bring my phone to me asking me to dial your dad so you two can chat.  And most importantly, i love that you love me.

12.06.2011

one year, plus a little more, post surgery update


We were lucky enough to meet at the Riverton clinic this time. Problem is, in order to get momma and daddy to work on time, your appointment had to be extra early! But you didn't seem to notice it was still dark outside once you got some breakfast in that cute round tummy.

You had the first appointment of the day. I had hoped this would be a good sign, and that they number of minutes we sat in rooms waiting would be less than normal. I was sorta right. And sorta not. The appointment took forever, as always, but not due to waiting rooms.

The problem with appointments at our small Riverton Primary Childrens, is the fact that they dont have the means to sedate your sweet body to sleep in order to do an echo. So instead, they thought that putting on a movie would do the trick. Yes, A movie. Little do they know, my wild child, my 18 month old, can't sit still or pay attention to a movie when a gooey electronic device is circling his chest, and when he is forced to lay down, and he has no treats! You cried enough to make a technician of a pediatric hospital uncomfortable. She called for re-enforcement. At one point we had three people making facing, blowing bubbles, and singing along with sesame street attempting to distract you from the lady rubbing stuff on your chest. At one point they were so desperate to get you tos top fighting, they asked me if i brought your bottle, and why i hadn't given it to you yet. "A bottle? No, he hasn't had a bottle for 6 months!" I wasn't sure if we would get this this appointment after all.

Finally, I asked if i could be of assistance, since watching the professionals be unprofessional in every way wasn't working. I sent our team looking for suckers, after all it was a pediatric ward, this couldn't be too crazy. I then laid on the bed with you and stroked your hair. It took the technician by suprise, but we were desperate weren't we? Running my fingers through your thick hair typically only works when you are tired, but it seemed to help. Eventually you were distracted enough that the technician could start doing her thing. We only ran into problems when your hand rested into that yucky goop on your chest. You weren't having it. The fit started all over. And unfortunately the fit got worse when your dad stood up to comfort you. You love your daddy, and knowing he was in the room made you want to be in his arms more than ever.

We finally got you calmed down again. You slowly started to doze off to the sound of your own heartbeat on the monitor. I was glad when it was over. You hated it, and my arm was beyond numb lying on it for so long.

Then they attempted to do their standard blood pressure test. You were so riled up that the nurse left really concerned with how high our blood pressure was since they had last seen you. She came back 15 minutes later, and said she just had to try again. We found another sucker and she played peek-a-boo with you, and fortunately your pressure was normal after all.

Dr. Mart eventually arrived. He shook momma and daddy's hands and said hello while you played in the corner with your white tiger and brown bear. You then strutted up to that Dr. Mart and insisted on shaking his hand too. It obviously wasn't fair that he shook our hands and not yours. You even said "hi!" with a giant grin.

Everyone seemed super amazed at how healthy and strong you had become, including Dr. Mart. We couldn't be more happy. We were of course were informed in that appointment that your Big hole, you know the VSD, was closed properly. It was looking great. We had a feeling that was the case since we hear this good news every time we meet with these people. He said that your heart tissue should have grown all the way around your device and it is safe and snug, not going anywhere!

Then we heard, "but..." We hate pretty much all sentences that start with "but (long pause)." Turns out the news is not as bad as I had let my mind believe it would it would be. It wandered aimlessly during that long pause. Then the news. You have another little hole, right below your device. It seems to not be affecting your health, but... with the amount of blood rushing in and out of that hole, there is a lot of turbulence and room for bacteria to build up. Infections in the heart are never a good thing. If i thought we hated "but.." i hated "turbulence" and "holes" a lot more. Again, my mind started to wander. But if momma could focus for more than a second or two at a time, she would find out that they are not worried about that hole, and as long as we followed special direction and give you the right kind of antibiotics you were going to be fine. Phew!!!

Not to make matters worse, it turns out you have another small hole somewhere else as well. I know I know, it feels like they are multiplying. Together, these two holes are making that weird "thud" sound or heart murmur. Good news is, we were cleared to go, regardless of the holes, and excused to leave for an entire year with NO appointments!!! It may have been a rough appointment for a tired baby, but the good news is, it was worth every second. It feels good to hear it from somone other than your dad that you are perfect!

11.17.2011

my little lumber jack

Halloween was two weeks ago and you are still demanding to wear your flannel and rock those boots. Yes, you were the cutest little lumber jack momma has ever seen. I secretly wished your dad would dress up and be twinsies with you.

You wore a cozy flannel shirt, and rugged little boots. We even painted on a beard...and then repainted the beard every hour after that. Snot has a way of ruining artwork. Fortunately you have a ginormous head, because daddy's beanie finished off the outfit. The only part that made you cry were those dang suspenders. I know they are a lot like a backpack and you were getting all sorts of confused with 'em, but was it really necessary to throw such a tantrum? They are just supposed to keep your stylish skinny jeans up!


You thought trick or treating was pretty cool. Other than the fact you refused to hold your own bag, you picked up on it really quickly. Only a few houses in, you forgot all your manners and went for handfuls, sometimes two. You had a sucker in your mouth the entire night.

As it got darker you spent a good amount of time following your shadow. But that dang thing is so tricky! Every time you squatted down to grab it, it disappeared. How rude!

Halloween was a total success. Lots of candy, holding cold hands, and the most irresistible little lumber jack around.

11.10.2011

staying indoors...

We are homebound until we feel better

And you have lost your patience waiting.

10.25.2011

missing hot summer days...

The weather report told us it was the last warm day for awhile. Tuesday was going to bring in a wet storm front and usher in the brisk. It was our last chance to go short-sleeved and flip flopped. Until next year, perhaps. 





We sure had a good time while it lasted. 


love,
momma

9.08.2011

dear gage ~ love daddy

Hey buddy,

You are probably wondering why I'm writing you. I know, I know, Dad never writes! Well, at least not as much as your mom. You will learn with time, if you haven't already, that your Dad is not so good with words, and even worse when it comes to writing them. Just ask your Mom, she thinks I could use some improving when it comes to expressing my feelings. I wouldn't recommend asking her how awesome I am on the phone, you may get a mouthful.

So, in case I haven't said it enough, I just wanted you to know buddy, that you are everything I dreamed my son would be. I cant stop thinking about you. How you come running when I get home, and stomp your feet and scream. How you bring me the Lucky Charms since you know I will give you all you can eat. I love when people tell me you are just like me, wild.  I catch myself telling everyone about you. I guess you could say its because I am one proud daddy. I love that you're my boy! In case I continue to be bad at expressing my feelings, I just want you to know how much I love you buddy, and I will never stop loving you. I'm excited for the days ahead of us, for the adventures we will do together, and the memories we will share. You are my best buddy.

Love, Daddy

9.06.2011

happy zipper day

A year ago today, we brought you home from Primary Children's. It wasn't the first time we left this place, but I secretly hoped it would be the last. We held you tight, almost as if you were our newborn. And you might as well have been. You were fragile and thin. We were over-protective and clueless.You had only been awake a few hours over the last several days, and that was only until the medicine started working and put your sweet body back to sleep. We worried, and we prayed, and we loved, like we never had before.

I realized that day, the day we took you home, that you were the piece of the puzzle that we had never dreamed we were even missing. Your love flooded over me. You were mine, and I was going to keep you safe. I vowed to love you fiercer than I had before. To see with clarity the amazing, priceless, fleeting gift that you were.

Today you are strong. Stronger than ever. And healthy. You are a mover, and a getter.You have thick little legs, and a round tummy. Your heart may be made of titanium but it is that heart that makes you so soft and sweet. I often ask you how your heart is doing, you respond by lifting your shirt. You let me listen. That ferocious little beat is so comforting. I never want to stop listening

It's time for bed. And as I stroke your perfect skin tonight, your warmth helps me realize what it was that has been in your tiny hand all this time. It was my heart. And it still is. You hold my heart in your hand, sweet baby boy. And, although I didn’t know it fully until now, you always have. I simply long for you to understand what a special part of our family you have always been. An integral, vital, eternally important part.

love, momma

8.31.2011

you are my i love you

Sorry little one! Momma hasn't written to you in a little while. Summer has run away and we tagged along for a ride.

I came across this sweet poem and couldn't help but fall in love with it.

 

I held you the other night as we watched Cars for the millionth time, I played with your luscious locks, and you tickled my arm. It was perfect. I love that you love me, and you will always be my "i love you."


Love, Momma

8.04.2011

best buds






The other night we went to a wedding and all of our friends were shocked with how big you are. They noticed your teeth first, and how much hair you have. They were amazed that you were running. You were being your cute self as usual and flirting it up with some older ladies, 3yr olds. One of my good friends even asked, "I know you see him everyday, but when did he get so big?" I tried to explain it happened over night, but unless you have been there its hard to understand. Sure, I see you everyday, but every once in awhile when I get you out of bed in the morning I can tell you grew in your sleep.

When you were first born you had lots of visitors. Everyone was anxious to meet you. Emmy rushed as fast as she could to hold you. She brought your cousins along too. I remember her telling me that holding you, so teeny and so new, made Gavin seem so big. These days, Gavin no longer seems as big as he did the day you were born. Just a month ago, at the city fair, Gavin shared his tickets so you could go on a ride with him. Your dad was terrified that you would stand up and fall out, since we all know you have a tendency to do stuff like that. But instead, you sat like a big boy the whole ride and smiled for pictures like you had done this a million times. Gavin, even wrapped his arm around you to ensure your safety.

I remember worrying that you and Gav were so far apart in age, how could you ever be friends? Even though you can't communicate with each other, and sometimes you play with his toys, and he still thinks your kinda gross, I love that you have finally gotten to a point that you two can be buds. I love that he takes care of you. You see, you are getting big, but not quite big enough to do everything on your own. I am glad you have Gav to show you how. I hope you two are always best buds.

8.01.2011

Stats

Weight 25.5 lbs
Height 31.5 in
Head 18.9 in

You like to stay right in that high 60th-70th percentile. At your 15 month appointment we got lots of new stats, one of which said you were 15.3M of Age. I laughed, it kinda reminded me of your Grandma who insists on using months for a more accurate description of your age. I can't blame her, I used to do the same. I have never been good at keeping track of dates, whether significant in nature or not. I even have a tendency to lose track of mine and daddy's wedding anniversary. Sad huh? So when it came to you, my precious firstborn, I was determined to be better. When you were 9.75 months old, and yes I meant to tag that .75 on there, your auntie referred to you as 10 months. I felt like she was cutting you short of your 9th month. I wanted you to be 9 months forever. This happened again and again and again. 

By the time you turned one I was done with months, and transitioned to "he just turned one." I used this for as long as I could. I liked the sound of it, and I felt like I was keeping you young in a way. But, now that you are an experienced one year old it doesn't seem seem fair to say you are newly one, but your not quite one and a half either. Predicament. So after hashing it out, I decided to stick with "he turned one in April." If the people asking choose to do the math they can, if not, that's fine too. Your Grandma will always do the math, and she will never cut you short of any of your months of age, I promise!

So, at 15 months, you have become a picky eater, and by picky, I mean you spit out your first tomato a week ago and rubbed your tongue with your finger. I was starting to think you never actually tasted the food, you have always eaten everything. You love fruit of all kinds and other than lunch, you still seem to be a bottomless pit.

You have 6 teeth, 4 o them sprouted at the same time, and surprisingly they didn't seem to bug you much. It makes nibbling on graham crackers easier, but you still refuse to chew as you shove handfuls of anything and everything in your mouth.

You are trying to run these days. And when you are not running you are walking on your tip toes. Your dad thinks you are working out your calves.

You love to help me get ready in the morning, you even know that my mascara goes on my eyes, sometimes you think dad needs mascara too.

You are totally off your bottle, I know, about time huh? Separation anxiety has a tendency to make nap time scary,like we wont come back for a week or something.

You love shoes, both yours and mine, and throw mini fits if you can't figure out how to put your shoe on yourself.

You are also into headbutting. It started when I would kiss your forehead. Now when I ask for kisses you coming running and slam for forehead toward my face, I have gotten a few bloody lips, and one bloody nose. Now you just headbutt when you are upset. Yesterday you got a bruise for repeatedly hitting your head against the kitchen cabinets.

You love anything cars, big or small. I find them in my fridge, cabinets, hiding behind my trash can, in my makeup, and in the toilet. Fortunately we have a lot of them.

You like to feed yourself. However, you don't have much of a patience for using utensils on your own. So instead you hold a spoon and one hand and shovel with the other. You like dipping food best. Your food always finds a way into daddy's drink.

You are so smart and like to figure out however thing works. The other day you brought a dvd case to us, when daddy finally gave you the dvd you ran to the dvd player and attempting to stick it in. You have a tendency to lose track of time opening and shutting it.

You are still sleeping 12hr a night, we absolutely love it!

You are still not talking much on your own. You can make lots animal noises, and you can repeat a few words, but you prefer Chinese most when we are not helping you, Mandarin maybe? I just so happen to know a cousin of yours, that you hang out with regularly, is studying Mandarin. Currently your vocab consists of the following:
  • Uh-Oh
  • Owie
  • Okay
  • Dad
  • Vroom (car noises, a lot of car noises!)
Everyone you are around seems to think you can also say their names if they try hard enough to teach them to you, if this is the case, I would like you to call me mom.

You are so so busy. You always seem to have an agenda. We are loving this age. I would be okay if you didn't grow anymore.

7.27.2011

love actually

Remember that one time I said something about you loving me so much for once? Remember that I said it probably wouldn't last long? Well, it didn't. Forget mom, pshhh, I got dad!

You had a sleepover with Grandma the other day. When we came to get you, you politely gave me a courtesy smile, and ran passed me to your dad. Not through me, or under me, like you sprinted way passed me.

You also dislike pictures with me. I have hundreds of you and your cute dad. Me? Want to see the ones I have of us?



It may look I am lovingly holding you. In reality, I am certainly holding you, holding you from running away. One of these days you will resist fighting, and you will look up for a picture.

7.05.2011

splish splash

You have been both splishing and splashing all summer long.


Did you know that you get rosy red cheek from the heat just like your daddy? I am glad you like the water so much, we needed it to cool down after a long hard day cleaning out the garage. And when we weren't cleaning we were eating. Sounds like a whole lot of fun huh? Amanda and David were there too. You love them. Well, you love their cell phones. And you cried when the cell phones left.

6.28.2011

tantrums

Who ever called it terrible TWOS, was so wrong. The tantrums started at One.


You would laugh if you had any idea how many of these tantrum shots I have on my phone. Its time you learn to use your words...any of them. I promise I will do my best to understand!

Single motherhood

I tell your dad on a regular basis that I feel like a single mother. To keep up with your ever coming medical bills, to finally graduate and get that diploma, and to spoil us like crazy, your daddy puts in some serious over time, like OVER-over time. He loves us, and he works hard to make sure we know it.

Its tough without him.

Its even tougher when you notice that most of your conversations in a given day are with a baby, and that baby doesn't listen. Its like super tough when you noticed that you have said "focus" like a bajillion times to that baby. And its probably the toughest when you have grown addicted to that person that is gone so much.

This addiction is not limited to me. Oh no, no. I am not the only one going crazy at night waiting for goodnight kisses. We go crazy because we cant get enough of him! Even after a long lazy Saturday, it doesn't seem to be enough. We drop in at work just to get a fix. We call daddy more times than he can handle, i know this because he often ignores us. We even started waiting outside of his school just to play with him between classes.

We need him.

And I am fairly certain you want to be like him. Its just a guess, but take a look for yourself:







See the resemblance?

time to party

Something you will learn with time, is that there are no breaks between birthdays in this family! Great Grandpa Gil, Great Grandma Roberts, Rocky, and Daddy all take over June back to back to back. And if you think that's bad, you should see April and October!

So you seized the opportunity to party along side them!





You played with balloons until you dropped, you ate cake until you were sick, and you spent a good amount of time with no shirt on. You definitely know how to party.

6.08.2011

flirting


Sometimes i feel like you will be this way forever, spending the rest of eternity as an over-sized sack of flour that longs for me to hold him on my hip at the absolute most difficult times, that uses me for my hugs and kisses, that loves me most when I am about to leave. Can’t you imagine playing basketball and cars until we can’t take it any more, like actually forever?! Wouldn't that be awesome? but other times it is like I can see you growing away from me in fast-forward, and i am clamoring for the pause button.

It is all so clichéd isn't it? Is there nothing new in this world?

I’m just one of many, nothing special, experiencing what millions have experienced before me. But you are mine, and I am going to love you all the way, and relish in every single overused new mom stereotype. And watching you today made me smile. It also made me realize that you don’t always need my love and attention like you used to.

Having the teensy budget that we have, momma decided the perfect night out would be a small outdoor summer concert.

I packed all of the essentials; blankets, toy cars, and more snacks than any three humans should ever consume in one setting. I thought these things would make you happy, make you want to snuggle with me. I love when we snuggle.


I was wrong


Apparently blankets are not as enticing outside the comforts of our home. You preferred the freedom. You spent a good amount of time walking too close to electrical objects and a man putting on a concert that wanted nothing to do with you. When you got sick of us grabbing you to snuggle in our blankets, you ran off to sit on some girl’s lap. When you were done sitting on her lap, you walked over to a girl that had cookies. Once you took a cookie for yourself, you leaned back to back with some stranger to eat that cookie.

You didn’t need momma. You were flirting. And who needs their mom around when they are getting their flirt on?




So I sent dad.

He walked you up and down the aisle. Taught you his tricks of the trade I suppose. I say this, because he came back to me saying, “If I were single, I could have gotten any girl I wanted with him as my wing man, he is a ladies magnet!”


Terrifying!

6.01.2011

the week without...



















just a sneak peak into what you missed out on! (have you ever seen so many head shots?)

Okay, okay, this is long over due. Gage, momma and Daddy did the unthinkable! We
left you home for a week while we were living in paradise! Sad, I know.

Would you have loved it? Most definitely.

Are we glad we left you home? Unfortunately, yes.

Were we sad at times because we did? You better believe it!

Kids clubs, and pools, movies on a big screen and all the free frozen yogurt you could imagine! Daddy and I caught ourselves saying “Gage would love this,” more than you even know! But what got me most were the other one year olds splashing around in the pool. As embarrassing as this is to admit, I did wind up in the bathroom of my cabin crying, looking at pictures of you from your birthday. Pathetic, right? I missed my baby!

As if leaving you screaming in Grandma’s arms wasn’t hard enough, then we get a text from Grandma a few hours later saying you were a perfect angel, happy as can be, like you had forgotten us already! My worst fear was coming true only hours into this trip! Ask your aunties, I was freaking out that you would forget about me!

Fortunately, other than my mini break down in the bathroom, we consumed our time swimming, riding on slides, eating yummy food, riding around on scooters, swimming with sting rays, snorkeling, and getting our tan on!

Things were perfect until the morning we were to come home. We were checking in at a kiosk, and the error reading “See an agent” came up. We knew this couldn’t be good. And it wasn’t.

“Flights were canceled due to weather.”

It was like an unknown super power started kicking in. I was in complete and utter Mommy Mode, and I was determined to get home and get home today! I had a baby expecting me that I was refusing to let down! (ok, you would have been fine, and you definitely would not have even realized I was gone, but I would like to think I could save you!)

With several phone calls to supervisors, and a few tears, they managed to get me on a flight back to you that day. But not daddy. Normally flying alone would be no big thing. But this time was different. So, you can imagine that touching down in Salt Lake on Saturday night, only 5 hours later than planned, was absolutely relieving! And to make matters even better, I saw my not-so-baby little man out at the curb. I ran up to that car like I hadn’t seen you in years. The moment I swung that car door open, even as startled as you were, you smiled, reached both hand towards my face and gave me a good smack on the cheek. I whipped you out of that car seat so quick you would have thought I broke it. I held you tight so tight in fact, you pushed me away slightly so you could see the car drive by. Immediately your head whipped around to see a bus full people drive off. Then your attention was on an airplane that was coming in.

Yup, you were exactly the way I remembered. Attention deficit, hyper active, and most of the time you only need me to kiss your owies better, and hold your sippy cup while you run off and fall. I loved it. You were perfect.

You even had a pretty gnarly road rash on your face...it was a sure sign of a good time, hiking with Nana!
Things were not as awesome for daddy when he arrived the next day. You were deprived of a nap, not allowed to play on the curb because it was raining, and pretty upset with me when he arrived. You still knew who he was, but you were too upset to smile for him like you did for me.

And I don’t want this to go forgotten. This last week has been the best. For the first time in your life, you preferred me over your daddy. Coming home early was well worth it! Yes, this will only last for a short time. But I have been soaking in every second snuggling when you let me!

We promise to not leave you behind again....anytime soon, pinky promises!