9.08.2011

dear gage ~ love daddy

Hey buddy,

You are probably wondering why I'm writing you. I know, I know, Dad never writes! Well, at least not as much as your mom. You will learn with time, if you haven't already, that your Dad is not so good with words, and even worse when it comes to writing them. Just ask your Mom, she thinks I could use some improving when it comes to expressing my feelings. I wouldn't recommend asking her how awesome I am on the phone, you may get a mouthful.

So, in case I haven't said it enough, I just wanted you to know buddy, that you are everything I dreamed my son would be. I cant stop thinking about you. How you come running when I get home, and stomp your feet and scream. How you bring me the Lucky Charms since you know I will give you all you can eat. I love when people tell me you are just like me, wild.  I catch myself telling everyone about you. I guess you could say its because I am one proud daddy. I love that you're my boy! In case I continue to be bad at expressing my feelings, I just want you to know how much I love you buddy, and I will never stop loving you. I'm excited for the days ahead of us, for the adventures we will do together, and the memories we will share. You are my best buddy.

Love, Daddy

9.06.2011

happy zipper day

A year ago today, we brought you home from Primary Children's. It wasn't the first time we left this place, but I secretly hoped it would be the last. We held you tight, almost as if you were our newborn. And you might as well have been. You were fragile and thin. We were over-protective and clueless.You had only been awake a few hours over the last several days, and that was only until the medicine started working and put your sweet body back to sleep. We worried, and we prayed, and we loved, like we never had before.

I realized that day, the day we took you home, that you were the piece of the puzzle that we had never dreamed we were even missing. Your love flooded over me. You were mine, and I was going to keep you safe. I vowed to love you fiercer than I had before. To see with clarity the amazing, priceless, fleeting gift that you were.

Today you are strong. Stronger than ever. And healthy. You are a mover, and a getter.You have thick little legs, and a round tummy. Your heart may be made of titanium but it is that heart that makes you so soft and sweet. I often ask you how your heart is doing, you respond by lifting your shirt. You let me listen. That ferocious little beat is so comforting. I never want to stop listening

It's time for bed. And as I stroke your perfect skin tonight, your warmth helps me realize what it was that has been in your tiny hand all this time. It was my heart. And it still is. You hold my heart in your hand, sweet baby boy. And, although I didn’t know it fully until now, you always have. I simply long for you to understand what a special part of our family you have always been. An integral, vital, eternally important part.

love, momma