happy zipper day

A year ago today, we brought you home from Primary Children's. It wasn't the first time we left this place, but I secretly hoped it would be the last. We held you tight, almost as if you were our newborn. And you might as well have been. You were fragile and thin. We were over-protective and clueless.You had only been awake a few hours over the last several days, and that was only until the medicine started working and put your sweet body back to sleep. We worried, and we prayed, and we loved, like we never had before.

I realized that day, the day we took you home, that you were the piece of the puzzle that we had never dreamed we were even missing. Your love flooded over me. You were mine, and I was going to keep you safe. I vowed to love you fiercer than I had before. To see with clarity the amazing, priceless, fleeting gift that you were.

Today you are strong. Stronger than ever. And healthy. You are a mover, and a getter.You have thick little legs, and a round tummy. Your heart may be made of titanium but it is that heart that makes you so soft and sweet. I often ask you how your heart is doing, you respond by lifting your shirt. You let me listen. That ferocious little beat is so comforting. I never want to stop listening

It's time for bed. And as I stroke your perfect skin tonight, your warmth helps me realize what it was that has been in your tiny hand all this time. It was my heart. And it still is. You hold my heart in your hand, sweet baby boy. And, although I didn’t know it fully until now, you always have. I simply long for you to understand what a special part of our family you have always been. An integral, vital, eternally important part.

love, momma