on the move

Little mister. My little stinker. Thanksgiving came and went, and you slept through most of it. Its strange, Momma never thinks she can get anything done, but you are sleeping around 15-17 hours a day. That’s 70% of your day, spent sleeping! I suppose I can’t blame it on you after all?

Did you know you had lots of babysitters this weekend? Aunties, Grandmas, an Uncle, and even a Great Grandma. You didn’t cease to shine in all of the attention.

Your aunties being the forcefully athletic people that they are, got sick of hearing momma say “no” to working out. So they moved onto their next victim, you. They propped you up on all fours, clapped lots, gasped more, and teased you with toys and food. Within a week, you did it. You are crawling. It may be only a few steps at a time, but you are officially mobile.

I wish I could say that you were crawling with more excitement, but now a new challenge begins for momma. Just when I thought I had started getting it together, I could handle the “oral phase.” My quick fingers would swiftly removed hazardous object from your mouth often. Choking has decreased to a minimum. Just when I had it down, you mix it up! Now, you have started moving AND eating! I am trying to mentally prepare for keeping my feet as quick as my fingers!

You may not be making messes yet, but I suppose I will try and be excited with the fact that now you are crawling, I can truly blame you for my chaotic house, or the fact that I can only find one of my shoe in the morning. Not to worry little man, this will only last until the next one comes around. For now you must take the blame, because frankly, momma is sick of hearing dad argue back that it wasn’t him. Your auntie Amanda understands. She had it rough too. Mommas blaming their children. You can confide in her!

Momma is proud of her active little man. Look how big you are these days…




Love momma.

dear gage ~ love momma

dear gage,

I don’t think it comes as a secret to anyone when I say, little mister you were a surprise. Last fall, I can distinctly remember telling your daddy to hurry home from work. It was late, close to eleven. I can remember telling your daddy that we had a little one on the way. His face lit up. Do you want to know what he said first?

“can I call people and tell them?”

He was so excited to have you come into our lives. And do you know what he said second?

“Natalie, this is happening for a reason. We may not know why, but Heavenly Father has a plan.”

Fortunately momma loves surprises! But, Momma was scared. I was 21. Married for 3 months. And sick to my stomach. It was a relief to know that I didn’t have the flu after all. But what your daddy said that night has been so true, you came to us, you came to us right now for a reason.

I wanted to question why. Why now? I was in school, I was working, and I was young. Your daddy faithfully reassured me there was no reason to question why.

When you were first born you were taken to the NICU. I thought for sure this was to test my faith. And it did. It was hard to see you in there. Your daddy reassured me we would take you home soon. Your momma and daddy had never been so close. And I had never prayed so hard. I knew you were here for a reason.

Then we heard that you had to undergo heart surgery. My immediate reaction was surprisingly not my own heart attack, it was frustration. I couldn't wrap my head around why. Why is this happening to my baby? What does the Lord have in store for me? What i am I supposed to be learning from all of this? Again, your daddy reassured me everything was going to be ok. I had never seen a priesthood blessing work so perfectly and powerfully. I knew you were here for a reason.

When financial times got rough from the unexpected hospital bills, it was time to be more responsible. When even being responsible didn’t seem to be enough,your daddy reassured me if we kept paying our tithing everything would work out. Family and friends helped out, and a generous donation from an anonymous person, allowed us to make it by. I knew you were here for a reason.

You see littler mister, momma and daddy had it in them to be faithful. We had it in us to be responsible. We just needed you to remind us. I have witnessed miracles and seen blessing and You are one of those blessing. Though the first five months of your life were quite emotional and trying, I am happy to announce that you continue to remind me why you are here. These new experiences are not nearly as dramatic, but they are just as important to me.

Today I yelled. I was yelled at a solicitor that won't stop calling me. And you cried. You cried every time I raised my voice. There was no reason to get as heated as I did, and you reminded me of that. I hate to see you cry, and i hate it even more if i am the cause. Little mister, momma is gonna make an earnest effort to say kind thing and not yell...even when daddy does something that momma specifically told him not to do, or when road rage kicks in.

I know you are here for a reason, many many reasons. Thank you for coming to me now. I like to think you can make me better.

Love momma.

buzy bees

Little mister, we had a very busy saturday morning. While i was cleaning out the fridge you were....

Well, while i was cleaning out the fridge, you were wrestling with the paper towel roll. Needless to say, as much as it look like you were scrubbing the floors, the only cleaning you did was with your body as you rolled to-and-fro.

Momma is so proud of good you are at entertaining yourself these days.

See here...

Here you are baby sitting the disshes while i washed and dried them.

And here....

Here you nawed on fruit with those teethless gums, while i put the groceries away.

Later you...

you ate something that actually filled up that tummy of yours, while i vacuumed.

Little mister we had a very busy saturday morning, and you made every second of it delightful like always!

Love, Momma.

how to - be cool!

For this reason only, i wish you were bigger....

(Find them here)

Then you could wear cool v-necks like daddy! This is definitely how to be cool as a baby. You can thank your auntie joni for the find!

bath time bust

You did it. I didn't think it would ever happen, and it happened. Other mommas told me it would happen, and I didn't want to believe them. Today you made bath time miserable for momma. Today momma learned the hard way, that babies can't control their bowels.

Before...

During....

After...

Yup, you pooped in the tub, who does that?!?!? On the bright side your tummy felt better. The downside, bath time ended fast. Momma spent lots of time cleaning out the tub.

dear gage ~ love momma

The BEST, and possibly the WORST advice I have gotten: “Turn the baby monitor off at night, fight the urge to go get him, and within 3 days he will be sleeping through the night, no problem.”

Dear baby Gage,

Momma lost way too much sleep last night. But before I get into that, lets take a moment to rewind back to pre-surgery…

I was convinced I had it the best. My baby was sleeping through the night like no ones business. I heard moms often complaining about their 8 month old still struggling, and waking up often. You were down at 9pm and up at 8am like clockwork. You had been sleeping 11 hours since the time you were 2 months. You knew momma needed her sleep and you let me have it. That’s why the week we took you home from the hospital after getting your heart fixed, it came as such a surprise to see my lil champ barely making it 3 hours before waking up.

I was convinced that the nurses had RUINED you. They insisted on waking my poor baby up just to force you to eat. Every nurse came to me concerned that you were not eating well through the night. Little mister, little did they know, you didn’t need to eat through the night….not until they ruined you of course.

After 6 weeks of waking up 3-4 times a night to feed you, momma got tired. And that’s where this advice comes into play. Dr. Schmidt, you know, the man that messes up our hair and comments on your nose every times he sees you, he let momma know I have to turn the monitor off and let you cry yourself to sleep. Sounds horrible right? I thought so too! He promised momma that you would be as good as new in 3 days. It took you five. Five VERY long nights. But i was satisfied, in no time you were back to your perfect sleeping habits.

And then last night happened. You had gone a month, not a single peep. And last night, You woke up at mid-night crying. Your sweet innocent cries made momma cringed. I cringed because it hurt to hear you sad. I tried to fight the urge to get you. I fought and fought, tossed and turned. Woke your dad up concerned. I made it about 2.5 minutes fighting before jumping out of bed, running downstairs like a mad person with her house on fire, just to come rescue you. I like to think i am rescuing you from bad dreams and scary monsters. You are always so happy to see me, it makes waking up to get you worth it! I disregarded all of that awesome advice and brought you to my bed.

Unfortunately, I don’t think we were on the same page…. You see, when I rescued you, I meant for you to sleep soundly with momma. You seemed to think it was time to play. Daddy wasn’t having it, but I couldn’t help it. After lots of laughs and even more “SHHHH” you fell asleep in my arms. You fell asleep rolling in circles, kicking off my blankets, and pulling my hair. Little mister, you stayed in our bed for an hour before momma had to put you in yours. I say "had to" because much more of your squirms would have left permanent marks. You are just as wild sleeping as you are when you are awake. You are officially my energizer bunny.

Turning off the monitors and letting you cry yourself to sleep had been the best advice for weeks, until I couldn’t take it, then it became the worst. I guess we will continue working on it!

Love momma.

how "not" to

Little mister. This is you....

(compliments of your auntie)

This is you demonstrating how "NOT" to eat cheerios! Crackers were a similar experience, only mushier. Ultimately anything you can get your hands near, ends up on the ground or in your hair. You enjoy playing with all these new foods. I enjoy the challenge. It keeps me on my toes. When eating mushy food by spoon, if i spill even one teeny tiny drop, you are done. You become fixated with the mush that you can spread around. You enjoy the mess. And you quit eating.

I can't complain, you love vegetables. You love vegetable more than you like fruit. Mom's words of wisdom:

"Vegetables are a must. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."

Fortunately for me, you won't be needing any of this advice for awhile. You keep enjoying your vegetables!

dear gage ~ love momma

You want to be big, and you hate that your not. You want to run, and you hate that can’t. You want to eat by yourself, you hate that I won’t let you. You want to type, and you do pretty well when I am not looking. You are slowly becoming my big boy. You have been taking your medicine at night with a big cup, and now you insist to have a taste of moms drink just to show off how good you are at drinking from a cup. You even want to sit facing forward in your carseat. You hate that you can’t see what is going on. I often catch you squirming ferociously and tweaking your head just right so you can watch me drive. When I glance back, all I can see is your big blue eyes, and when I call your name, those gorgeous eyes smile.

I love when your eyes smile. I can remember when you were in the ICU when you were first born. I was afraid. I was afraid to be your mom. I was afraid to care for you. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know how to love you right. I was a wreck. The day you were born you spent most of the morning in the arms of family because as far as I was concerned I would have you forever, what was a few hours? It was so soon after you were born that you were taken to the ICU. I didn’t get to enjoy those first moments with you. I didn’t get to know you like I hear other moms getting to know their babies. I missed my short window of opportunity before they took you away. I had to love my newborn from a distance. I could only see you every 3 hours. I could only hold you and feed you with permission. I remember being scared to mess up. Once a nurse asked me if I wanted to change your diaper, or take your temperature, they wanted to make sure I felt involved as a new mom. I have to admit for the first 3 days that you were in intensive care I timidly passed on the opportunity. I regret those chances to love you like I should have. When it was finally time to leave the hospital, I didn’t feel ready to take such a precious little thing home. There is a strange mixture of fear and joy that comes with driving off from the hospital with your firstborn in the vehicle. There's a powerful sense of transition and new beginning, and yet fear as well. It's a fear closely attached to the question, "What do I do with this thing?" It's a healthy fear born out of an awareness of the fragility of new life.

Did you know that even that small, you made everything ok. As a newborn you had a way of smiling with your eyes. I may not have known what I was doing. I may not have held you enough, or fed you right, but right then and there you made sure I knew I that everything was ok, and that it would all work out. I love when you smile with your eyes.

Well, little mister, we have made it a full six-months, and I messed up often. But after all the falling, crying, hugging, laughing, we have made it through just fine! I have created a hyper-active little child, and I can only blame myself! I encourage your squeals. I love your squirms. We laugh and play for hours on end. Did you know that we have set records on how long we can play Patty-Cake together?

I want to take advantage of every moment I get with you, because soon enough, you will be big. Soon enough you will eat by yourself and you won’t need my help. So until then, we can continue to drive dad nuts when we speak our own language. We will continue to rile you up before bed just so we enjoy every last second before we see each other in the morning.

I will let you be a big boy soon enough. Until then, you have to sit backwards in your carseat, and tweak your head to see me.

Love momma.

dear gage

i'm loving your new courtesy smile

it's almost like, "i have no idea what she's saying so maybe if i smile, she'll quit talking"

just an fyi for you little nephew: your auntie em rarely stops talking so keep on smiling.

love,

auntie em