dear gage,
I don’t think it comes as a secret to anyone when I say, little mister you were a surprise. Last fall, I can distinctly remember telling your daddy to hurry home from work. It was late, close to eleven. I can remember telling your daddy that we had a little one on the way. His face lit up. Do you want to know what he said first?
“can I call people and tell them?”
He was so excited to have you come into our lives. And do you know what he said second?
“Natalie, this is happening for a reason. We may not know why, but Heavenly Father has a plan.”
Fortunately momma loves surprises! But, Momma was scared. I was 21. Married for 3 months. And sick to my stomach. It was a relief to know that I didn’t have the flu after all. But what your daddy said that night has been so true, you came to us, you came to us right now for a reason.
I wanted to question why. Why now? I was in school, I was working, and I was young. Your daddy faithfully reassured me there was no reason to question why.
When you were first born you were taken to the NICU. I thought for sure this was to test my faith. And it did. It was hard to see you in there. Your daddy reassured me we would take you home soon. Your momma and daddy had never been so close. And I had never prayed so hard. I knew you were here for a reason.
Then we heard that you had to undergo heart surgery. My immediate reaction was surprisingly not my own heart attack, it was frustration. I couldn't wrap my head around why. Why is this happening to my baby? What does the Lord have in store for me? What i am I supposed to be learning from all of this? Again, your daddy reassured me everything was going to be ok. I had never seen a priesthood blessing work so perfectly and powerfully. I knew you were here for a reason.
When financial times got rough from the unexpected hospital bills, it was time to be more responsible. When even being responsible didn’t seem to be enough,your daddy reassured me if we kept paying our tithing everything would work out. Family and friends helped out, and a generous donation from an anonymous person, allowed us to make it by. I knew you were here for a reason.
You see littler mister, momma and daddy had it in them to be faithful. We had it in us to be responsible. We just needed you to remind us. I have witnessed miracles and seen blessing and You are one of those blessing. Though the first five months of your life were quite emotional and trying, I am happy to announce that you continue to remind me why you are here. These new experiences are not nearly as dramatic, but they are just as important to me.
Today I yelled. I was yelled at a solicitor that won't stop calling me. And you cried. You cried every time I raised my voice. There was no reason to get as heated as I did, and you reminded me of that. I hate to see you cry, and i hate it even more if i am the cause. Little mister, momma is gonna make an earnest effort to say kind thing and not yell...even when daddy does something that momma specifically told him not to do, or when road rage kicks in.
I know you are here for a reason, many many reasons. Thank you for coming to me now. I like to think you can make me better.
Love momma.
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