dear gage ~ love momma

The BEST, and possibly the WORST advice I have gotten: “Turn the baby monitor off at night, fight the urge to go get him, and within 3 days he will be sleeping through the night, no problem.”

Dear baby Gage,

Momma lost way too much sleep last night. But before I get into that, lets take a moment to rewind back to pre-surgery…

I was convinced I had it the best. My baby was sleeping through the night like no ones business. I heard moms often complaining about their 8 month old still struggling, and waking up often. You were down at 9pm and up at 8am like clockwork. You had been sleeping 11 hours since the time you were 2 months. You knew momma needed her sleep and you let me have it. That’s why the week we took you home from the hospital after getting your heart fixed, it came as such a surprise to see my lil champ barely making it 3 hours before waking up.

I was convinced that the nurses had RUINED you. They insisted on waking my poor baby up just to force you to eat. Every nurse came to me concerned that you were not eating well through the night. Little mister, little did they know, you didn’t need to eat through the night….not until they ruined you of course.

After 6 weeks of waking up 3-4 times a night to feed you, momma got tired. And that’s where this advice comes into play. Dr. Schmidt, you know, the man that messes up our hair and comments on your nose every times he sees you, he let momma know I have to turn the monitor off and let you cry yourself to sleep. Sounds horrible right? I thought so too! He promised momma that you would be as good as new in 3 days. It took you five. Five VERY long nights. But i was satisfied, in no time you were back to your perfect sleeping habits.

And then last night happened. You had gone a month, not a single peep. And last night, You woke up at mid-night crying. Your sweet innocent cries made momma cringed. I cringed because it hurt to hear you sad. I tried to fight the urge to get you. I fought and fought, tossed and turned. Woke your dad up concerned. I made it about 2.5 minutes fighting before jumping out of bed, running downstairs like a mad person with her house on fire, just to come rescue you. I like to think i am rescuing you from bad dreams and scary monsters. You are always so happy to see me, it makes waking up to get you worth it! I disregarded all of that awesome advice and brought you to my bed.

Unfortunately, I don’t think we were on the same page…. You see, when I rescued you, I meant for you to sleep soundly with momma. You seemed to think it was time to play. Daddy wasn’t having it, but I couldn’t help it. After lots of laughs and even more “SHHHH” you fell asleep in my arms. You fell asleep rolling in circles, kicking off my blankets, and pulling my hair. Little mister, you stayed in our bed for an hour before momma had to put you in yours. I say "had to" because much more of your squirms would have left permanent marks. You are just as wild sleeping as you are when you are awake. You are officially my energizer bunny.

Turning off the monitors and letting you cry yourself to sleep had been the best advice for weeks, until I couldn’t take it, then it became the worst. I guess we will continue working on it!

Love momma.