Little Mister, momma believes in miracles! Two weeks, two days, and a few hours later, I lay here on the bed, just like I used to when daddy is gone, and you growl as you nuzzle your face into my neck. I love your growl. I have missed your ferocious little roar. My favorite however, is when I growl back, and you giggle. You giggle, followed by a sigh. I like to think you are thinking “awe, this is the life,” because I sure am!
Your first week home from the hospital was hard. I couldn’t hold my baby like I wanted to. And if that wasn’t hard enough, when I did hold you, you cried for hours on end. It wasn’t your normal whimper telling me your were tired. It was a painful. “momma I am hurting,” kinda cry. It hurt to watch. It hurt me to hold you. I would call daddy crying that I couldn’t make you feel better. The big fancy doctors tell me that you are simply adjusting to being off medication. Simply? Nothing about putting my baby on my bed, closing the door and turning the tv WAY up just to calm myself down was simple. My baby was hurting and it was starting to hurt me. I lost a lot of sleep that week that you came home. I worried. I always worry. Little mister I worry because I love you. I hate to see you hurting.
Slowly you started sleeping through the night again. But there were times that I wondered if life would ever go back to the way it was. Back to when you would laugh and play for hours on end. Back to when you loved to roll around on the ground, and often make it from the couch to the ground. Back to when you would giggle when you found your own hands. Sometimes I wondered if you would be a momma’s boy again. I love that you are a momma’s boy. I love that I can make you feel better. But there were moment that I worried that it wouldn’t be the same.
The time came that I had to go back to work. It was hard. I missed you always. I wanted to be with you constantly. I wanted to see every step of your recovery. I wanted to watch you sleep, and smell your skin. I wanted to be there, be right next to you. I wanted to feel you soft feet kick, kick, kick. I didn’t want to miss a thing. Going back to work that day was like leaving you with your auntie for the first time when I went back to work after having you. Being away for 6 hours makes me miss you more. It makes me want more of you. I want to bundle you up and hold you forever. I want you to tell me stories, and squeal in your high pitch voice that makes me laugh every time, no matter how often you do it. . I love you. I wanted you. I missed you.
Nana came to watch you. It was great having her, no matter how jealous I was that she got to be with you! She loves to watch you. She teaches you lots of bad habits! She holds you lots, and walks you even more....things i wish i could more, but just don't have the time. Nana has recently gotten into hiking and walking, so she whips out the stroller or the Bjorn everyday and you two go on adventures. Once she even strapped you to her chest and hiked up to a gorgeous waterfall. She walks for 3-4 hours with you everyday. I come home and find goodies that she picked up from Harmon's on her outings. I wish I could take you on more adventures. You LOVE being outside.
When you finally were feeling better, momma decided it would be fun for all of our family and friends to join the American Heart Association and recognize little ones like you by walking a 5k. We were told that all of the heart survivors walking only needed to walk 1 lap…that meant people like you! You made it about a quarter of a lap, and then you fell asleep. That walk put you right out! You slept for the remainder of the walk. Daddy had to wake you up to cross the finish line.
After a picnic in the park and few hours of Frisbee golf, we took our little mister home, and we all took a nap on the big bed, as a family. Baby boy, that was a big day. That was the day that it hit momma. I laid there thinking about everything that our family had been through in the short 4 months of your life. Miracles really do happen! It was then that you woke up and we laid in bed, just like we used to. You were as good as new. Your titanium heart was beating at a normal rate, you were eating like a horse again, and you were back to being my little mister. My little mister that pulls my hair, and drools on my clothes. My little mister that makes my house a mess even though he doesn’t walk. My little mister that loves to talk to himself in the mirror. My little mister that loves his momma. That was a big day. I had never experienced a miracle for myself until that day. I knew that they had existed for other people. But that day, laying with you, going a whole day without screams and cried. That day I believed in miracles. You are my miracle. It only took two weeks, two days and a few hours for you to completely recover from an open-heart surgery.
Little mister, you are the one with heart, and I heart you!
Love momma
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