@10:47am 3months, 2 weeks, and 1 day post surgery

Little mister. You met with that big fancy doctor, you know, Dr. Mart, the one that comments on daddy's beard every time he sees it, as if its the first time he has seen it. He was checking up on that heart of yours. He wanted to make sure that the titanium piece in your heart was doing what it was supposed to, plugging that big hole of yours.

First they did an x-ray. You hate those. They force you to put those squishy arms of yours above your head. And if that isn't bad, they stretch your legs straight. You cried. They worried. Dad held you. And it was all better. This process repeated a few times. The doctors had a hard time getting a clear image. It turns out you are a wiggler, who knew?!?

Next they tested your blood pressure. Little do the nurses know, my baby doesn't like laying still for long periods of time. The only way to keep you still enough was to blow teeny tiny bubbles in your face. This worked. You ate as many of those bubbles as you could as they floated around the room and settled on your face. In fact, you did so good focusing on the bubbles and not the blood pressure test, that they jumped at the chance to do an ekg right then and there.

Then, my favorite part. They messured how big and strong you have become! You came in at a whopping 20.5lbs. That's 7lbs since surgery! Its good to see you so "thick," excuse my lack for a better word! You are now 28.5 inches long. No more twiggy limbs, instead, lots of rolls all over you body, perfect for nuzzling...oh and occasionally nibbling!

Your heart is still enlarged. For anyone that knows you, that doesn't comes as a surprise, *wink . Dr. Mart says that your heart tissue stretched before surgery. You see, one of the holes in your heart caused the blood to flow incorrectly. Your heart was working so hard just to pump the blood where it was supposed to go, that it became big in the process. Good news little man. They think you will grow into that enlarged heart just fine!

When Dr. Mart used his fancy stethoscope, he could hardly hear that murmur. He thinks the heart tissue is growing around your titanium plug perfectly, sealing off your heart chambers.

Little mister, momma feels so blessed to have doctors like Dr. Mart to care for little babies like you. Modern medicine is an amazing thing. You are a part of that medicine's progression. They don't know how your heart will react to that titanium piece 20 years from now. They don't know if this will be an effective procedure when your 40. They don't know if that titanium will rub against your heart tissue causing problems. Even those miracles workers don't have all the answers.

I want to question. Just hearing this makes momma cringe. What have I put my baby through? What will you have to endure in the long run? I often worry that the decision i made to have this particular procedure will cause harm down the road, and possibly another surgery. But i keep reminding myself that without smart doctors trying new procedures, we wouldn't have heart surgery at all. And without open heart surgery, i may not have my baby with me today. You are a lucky little man. You were number 3 to get this procedure here in Utah. You were the third baby to have a faster open heart surgery, number three to have a quicker healing process, this makes you a part of history.

Yes, you will have to meet with those big fancy doctors for the rest of your life, and yes, you will have to have all those tests run. But I also know that you will continue to grow even bigger, and even stronger. You will get to play all of those fun games, and get into all kinds of trouble. I love the thought of you living a long healthy life. You have always been a fighter, and little mister, momma wants you to keep on fighting!

love, Momma

big boys don't cry, little ones do

You are my little scaredy cat. I attempted to use my mixer today to make some yummy treats. You cried every time it turned on. Smiled when it went off. It makes baking difficult.

You are also scared of…

My blow-dryer

Vacuuming

When I leave

High pitch voices

The garage door opening

Coughing too loud (whether its you or me)

The dark

sneezes

The movie Avatar

When dad calls your name from downstairs

New people

Sewing Machines

The wind

Turning on the faucet

Your Johnny Jumper

Oddly enough you are not scared of….

Edge of the bed

Falling

Being thrown in the air

The stairs

Sharp objects

Chewing on wires

I can only laugh, i am fairly positive that your fears of everything come from me! You wanna know what i was scared of when i was little?

Yup. I was terrified that these freaky little trolls lived under my bed. I even made your auntie stef take the bottom bunk so that they could get her and not me. These days my fears are limited to the dark. Don't laugh, i get enough of that from your dad!

Love you baby boy,

momma

auntie stef

Steffi left us this week. You know, auntie Steffi. She is momma’s sister. I know you don’t see her much, its because she is always on the move, a lot like you, but she moves states, and sometimes countries. She is the one that jostles you around to make you tough. She has a miraculous way of keeping you happy when you tired, and as a result, causing you to stay up much too late. She loves to run her fingers over your face and babble, and you love it more when she does.

Steffi left us to go to Russia. That’s really far away. Its cold, and Steffi hates the cold. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but she will miss your first Christmas, your first birthday, and even your second birthday while she is there. I will miss her. But not to worry little man, we can write her often. I am sad to see her go but I know she will be doing a good thing while she is gone.

Saying goodbye is never fun. But we made the most of it...

In fact we even threw in a classic jumping pose, the last one til she returns....

(Notice Steffi's sock tan. Oh and Amanda is running in the air.
It doesn't even bother me that our heads of cut off!)

I think you miss her already, i can just tell!

short term memory

Little mister, I just hopes that you didn't get your lack of short term memory from momma. I managed to lock us out of the house yesterday. We cuddled in the car, wrapped in a blanket until we managed to come across a key.


Now that i think about it daddy has a bad short term memory too. So, the chances aren't in your favor that anything will differ, but we sure hope so!

Love, momma.

dear gage

Dear Gage,

I cant wait to see you on the 17th little mister!!! Me and Tay miss your parents so much and cant wait to spend time with your little family!!

Love, Bay and Tay

on the move

Little mister. My little stinker. Thanksgiving came and went, and you slept through most of it. Its strange, Momma never thinks she can get anything done, but you are sleeping around 15-17 hours a day. That’s 70% of your day, spent sleeping! I suppose I can’t blame it on you after all?

Did you know you had lots of babysitters this weekend? Aunties, Grandmas, an Uncle, and even a Great Grandma. You didn’t cease to shine in all of the attention.

Your aunties being the forcefully athletic people that they are, got sick of hearing momma say “no” to working out. So they moved onto their next victim, you. They propped you up on all fours, clapped lots, gasped more, and teased you with toys and food. Within a week, you did it. You are crawling. It may be only a few steps at a time, but you are officially mobile.

I wish I could say that you were crawling with more excitement, but now a new challenge begins for momma. Just when I thought I had started getting it together, I could handle the “oral phase.” My quick fingers would swiftly removed hazardous object from your mouth often. Choking has decreased to a minimum. Just when I had it down, you mix it up! Now, you have started moving AND eating! I am trying to mentally prepare for keeping my feet as quick as my fingers!

You may not be making messes yet, but I suppose I will try and be excited with the fact that now you are crawling, I can truly blame you for my chaotic house, or the fact that I can only find one of my shoe in the morning. Not to worry little man, this will only last until the next one comes around. For now you must take the blame, because frankly, momma is sick of hearing dad argue back that it wasn’t him. Your auntie Amanda understands. She had it rough too. Mommas blaming their children. You can confide in her!

Momma is proud of her active little man. Look how big you are these days…




Love momma.

dear gage ~ love momma

dear gage,

I don’t think it comes as a secret to anyone when I say, little mister you were a surprise. Last fall, I can distinctly remember telling your daddy to hurry home from work. It was late, close to eleven. I can remember telling your daddy that we had a little one on the way. His face lit up. Do you want to know what he said first?

“can I call people and tell them?”

He was so excited to have you come into our lives. And do you know what he said second?

“Natalie, this is happening for a reason. We may not know why, but Heavenly Father has a plan.”

Fortunately momma loves surprises! But, Momma was scared. I was 21. Married for 3 months. And sick to my stomach. It was a relief to know that I didn’t have the flu after all. But what your daddy said that night has been so true, you came to us, you came to us right now for a reason.

I wanted to question why. Why now? I was in school, I was working, and I was young. Your daddy faithfully reassured me there was no reason to question why.

When you were first born you were taken to the NICU. I thought for sure this was to test my faith. And it did. It was hard to see you in there. Your daddy reassured me we would take you home soon. Your momma and daddy had never been so close. And I had never prayed so hard. I knew you were here for a reason.

Then we heard that you had to undergo heart surgery. My immediate reaction was surprisingly not my own heart attack, it was frustration. I couldn't wrap my head around why. Why is this happening to my baby? What does the Lord have in store for me? What i am I supposed to be learning from all of this? Again, your daddy reassured me everything was going to be ok. I had never seen a priesthood blessing work so perfectly and powerfully. I knew you were here for a reason.

When financial times got rough from the unexpected hospital bills, it was time to be more responsible. When even being responsible didn’t seem to be enough,your daddy reassured me if we kept paying our tithing everything would work out. Family and friends helped out, and a generous donation from an anonymous person, allowed us to make it by. I knew you were here for a reason.

You see littler mister, momma and daddy had it in them to be faithful. We had it in us to be responsible. We just needed you to remind us. I have witnessed miracles and seen blessing and You are one of those blessing. Though the first five months of your life were quite emotional and trying, I am happy to announce that you continue to remind me why you are here. These new experiences are not nearly as dramatic, but they are just as important to me.

Today I yelled. I was yelled at a solicitor that won't stop calling me. And you cried. You cried every time I raised my voice. There was no reason to get as heated as I did, and you reminded me of that. I hate to see you cry, and i hate it even more if i am the cause. Little mister, momma is gonna make an earnest effort to say kind thing and not yell...even when daddy does something that momma specifically told him not to do, or when road rage kicks in.

I know you are here for a reason, many many reasons. Thank you for coming to me now. I like to think you can make me better.

Love momma.

buzy bees

Little mister, we had a very busy saturday morning. While i was cleaning out the fridge you were....

Well, while i was cleaning out the fridge, you were wrestling with the paper towel roll. Needless to say, as much as it look like you were scrubbing the floors, the only cleaning you did was with your body as you rolled to-and-fro.

Momma is so proud of good you are at entertaining yourself these days.

See here...

Here you are baby sitting the disshes while i washed and dried them.

And here....

Here you nawed on fruit with those teethless gums, while i put the groceries away.

Later you...

you ate something that actually filled up that tummy of yours, while i vacuumed.

Little mister we had a very busy saturday morning, and you made every second of it delightful like always!

Love, Momma.

how to - be cool!

For this reason only, i wish you were bigger....

(Find them here)

Then you could wear cool v-necks like daddy! This is definitely how to be cool as a baby. You can thank your auntie joni for the find!

bath time bust

You did it. I didn't think it would ever happen, and it happened. Other mommas told me it would happen, and I didn't want to believe them. Today you made bath time miserable for momma. Today momma learned the hard way, that babies can't control their bowels.

Before...

During....

After...

Yup, you pooped in the tub, who does that?!?!? On the bright side your tummy felt better. The downside, bath time ended fast. Momma spent lots of time cleaning out the tub.

dear gage ~ love momma

The BEST, and possibly the WORST advice I have gotten: “Turn the baby monitor off at night, fight the urge to go get him, and within 3 days he will be sleeping through the night, no problem.”

Dear baby Gage,

Momma lost way too much sleep last night. But before I get into that, lets take a moment to rewind back to pre-surgery…

I was convinced I had it the best. My baby was sleeping through the night like no ones business. I heard moms often complaining about their 8 month old still struggling, and waking up often. You were down at 9pm and up at 8am like clockwork. You had been sleeping 11 hours since the time you were 2 months. You knew momma needed her sleep and you let me have it. That’s why the week we took you home from the hospital after getting your heart fixed, it came as such a surprise to see my lil champ barely making it 3 hours before waking up.

I was convinced that the nurses had RUINED you. They insisted on waking my poor baby up just to force you to eat. Every nurse came to me concerned that you were not eating well through the night. Little mister, little did they know, you didn’t need to eat through the night….not until they ruined you of course.

After 6 weeks of waking up 3-4 times a night to feed you, momma got tired. And that’s where this advice comes into play. Dr. Schmidt, you know, the man that messes up our hair and comments on your nose every times he sees you, he let momma know I have to turn the monitor off and let you cry yourself to sleep. Sounds horrible right? I thought so too! He promised momma that you would be as good as new in 3 days. It took you five. Five VERY long nights. But i was satisfied, in no time you were back to your perfect sleeping habits.

And then last night happened. You had gone a month, not a single peep. And last night, You woke up at mid-night crying. Your sweet innocent cries made momma cringed. I cringed because it hurt to hear you sad. I tried to fight the urge to get you. I fought and fought, tossed and turned. Woke your dad up concerned. I made it about 2.5 minutes fighting before jumping out of bed, running downstairs like a mad person with her house on fire, just to come rescue you. I like to think i am rescuing you from bad dreams and scary monsters. You are always so happy to see me, it makes waking up to get you worth it! I disregarded all of that awesome advice and brought you to my bed.

Unfortunately, I don’t think we were on the same page…. You see, when I rescued you, I meant for you to sleep soundly with momma. You seemed to think it was time to play. Daddy wasn’t having it, but I couldn’t help it. After lots of laughs and even more “SHHHH” you fell asleep in my arms. You fell asleep rolling in circles, kicking off my blankets, and pulling my hair. Little mister, you stayed in our bed for an hour before momma had to put you in yours. I say "had to" because much more of your squirms would have left permanent marks. You are just as wild sleeping as you are when you are awake. You are officially my energizer bunny.

Turning off the monitors and letting you cry yourself to sleep had been the best advice for weeks, until I couldn’t take it, then it became the worst. I guess we will continue working on it!

Love momma.

how "not" to

Little mister. This is you....

(compliments of your auntie)

This is you demonstrating how "NOT" to eat cheerios! Crackers were a similar experience, only mushier. Ultimately anything you can get your hands near, ends up on the ground or in your hair. You enjoy playing with all these new foods. I enjoy the challenge. It keeps me on my toes. When eating mushy food by spoon, if i spill even one teeny tiny drop, you are done. You become fixated with the mush that you can spread around. You enjoy the mess. And you quit eating.

I can't complain, you love vegetables. You love vegetable more than you like fruit. Mom's words of wisdom:

"Vegetables are a must. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."

Fortunately for me, you won't be needing any of this advice for awhile. You keep enjoying your vegetables!

dear gage ~ love momma

You want to be big, and you hate that your not. You want to run, and you hate that can’t. You want to eat by yourself, you hate that I won’t let you. You want to type, and you do pretty well when I am not looking. You are slowly becoming my big boy. You have been taking your medicine at night with a big cup, and now you insist to have a taste of moms drink just to show off how good you are at drinking from a cup. You even want to sit facing forward in your carseat. You hate that you can’t see what is going on. I often catch you squirming ferociously and tweaking your head just right so you can watch me drive. When I glance back, all I can see is your big blue eyes, and when I call your name, those gorgeous eyes smile.

I love when your eyes smile. I can remember when you were in the ICU when you were first born. I was afraid. I was afraid to be your mom. I was afraid to care for you. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know how to love you right. I was a wreck. The day you were born you spent most of the morning in the arms of family because as far as I was concerned I would have you forever, what was a few hours? It was so soon after you were born that you were taken to the ICU. I didn’t get to enjoy those first moments with you. I didn’t get to know you like I hear other moms getting to know their babies. I missed my short window of opportunity before they took you away. I had to love my newborn from a distance. I could only see you every 3 hours. I could only hold you and feed you with permission. I remember being scared to mess up. Once a nurse asked me if I wanted to change your diaper, or take your temperature, they wanted to make sure I felt involved as a new mom. I have to admit for the first 3 days that you were in intensive care I timidly passed on the opportunity. I regret those chances to love you like I should have. When it was finally time to leave the hospital, I didn’t feel ready to take such a precious little thing home. There is a strange mixture of fear and joy that comes with driving off from the hospital with your firstborn in the vehicle. There's a powerful sense of transition and new beginning, and yet fear as well. It's a fear closely attached to the question, "What do I do with this thing?" It's a healthy fear born out of an awareness of the fragility of new life.

Did you know that even that small, you made everything ok. As a newborn you had a way of smiling with your eyes. I may not have known what I was doing. I may not have held you enough, or fed you right, but right then and there you made sure I knew I that everything was ok, and that it would all work out. I love when you smile with your eyes.

Well, little mister, we have made it a full six-months, and I messed up often. But after all the falling, crying, hugging, laughing, we have made it through just fine! I have created a hyper-active little child, and I can only blame myself! I encourage your squeals. I love your squirms. We laugh and play for hours on end. Did you know that we have set records on how long we can play Patty-Cake together?

I want to take advantage of every moment I get with you, because soon enough, you will be big. Soon enough you will eat by yourself and you won’t need my help. So until then, we can continue to drive dad nuts when we speak our own language. We will continue to rile you up before bed just so we enjoy every last second before we see each other in the morning.

I will let you be a big boy soon enough. Until then, you have to sit backwards in your carseat, and tweak your head to see me.

Love momma.

dear gage

i'm loving your new courtesy smile

it's almost like, "i have no idea what she's saying so maybe if i smile, she'll quit talking"

just an fyi for you little nephew: your auntie em rarely stops talking so keep on smiling.

love,

auntie em

dear gage ~ love momma

Dear gage,

My stubborn lil man. You know exactly what you want, and today you wanted nothing but momma! We were in the company of some friends today, and it hit me, you are not my portable lil baby that sleeps everywhere and always. You are becoming my lil man. An opinioned, attentive, and vibrant lil man. Every time I would set you down, you cried and cried until I was holding you tight in my arms again. Every time I pulled you away from my body to readjust, you would reach and reach until you could touch my face again. You love my face. You stroke it softly and coo.

Its official. I have a mommas boy!

Its flattering to know you love me so much, a pain when mommas arms are tired, but flattering none the less. You have this pulsating personality, and you love being loved. Your favorite time is those random mornings that daddy and I are both home. You wake up especially early so we will bring you in our beds to cuddle and play. Its almost as if you know we are upstairs and you are worried you are missing out. Momma sets you between us and you roll from side to side and caress each of our faces. Its perfect. Very early, but perfect.

You have become very active lil man. You have learned to do so many cool things that scare momma half to death. It makes you laugh to see me worried, and that worries me even more. I catch you rolling near the stairs, or to the edge of the bed regularly. You have even managed to not only get on all fours, but you get that cute lil bum straight in the air, ultimately resulting in your cute little fact digging into the carpet. Did you know that you also learned to sing recently? If anyone is rocking out in the car, or humming a tune in the kitchen, you feel this need to pipe in. You like being the center of attention. You and your daddy both!

My big boy, you are growing like a weed. Did you know that you are now up to your cousin james’ size? You see James is a month older than you. For the first 2 month of life you were the exact same weight and height as he was when he was your age. Always a month behind him. Then your poor little heart had a hard time keeping up. The following two months James grew and grew, and you stayed the same weight. Appointment after appointment I got more and more worried, you looked skinnier and skinner. But with that new titanium heart, you managed to put on a whole 3 pound in this month alone! You have not only caught up to where james was a month ago, but you caught up to where he is now, a month older than you! I have this odd feeling that you will be a competitive little bugger. I should probably apologize to your auntie joni in advance!

I love you more and more everyday, with every cry hug, laugh, and squeal. I like to think that when you were in heaven you chose me. Thank you!

Love, Momma.

Dear Gage

Dear Gage

I love it that your mom calls you Little Mister. Your daddy calls me Big Papa Dick. We are both so cool!!!

That day in early September when you were in the operating room at Children's Hospital getting your heart fixed, I sat in the waiting room with your mom and dad and some of your other relative's. That day in many ways was for me " da ja' vu all over again. In 1991 I spent a lot of time in Children's Hospital in San Diego when your momma was very, very sick with something nasty called Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome. Ironically her days at Children's was also in the month of September. What I experienced with your mother, way back in the day has had a profound effect on me ever since. Firstly, because of that experience, I have felt a special bond with your mother because of that crisis. I love all of my children very deeply. But there is something unique about going through a life threatening incident with another person. From day one of your mom's hospitilization, one of the treatments she required was blood transfusions. She and I have the same type (O+). I told them to take all that they needed from me, in order to save my little girl. They took what they could, and then got some more from off the shelf, and then some more from good people in our ward who donated. The other treatment was dialysis. And that treatment did not go well in the beginning. The lines were in, but the fluids were not circulating right. The toxins were not draining out of her body. On one particular night, your mom got dathly ill. Her little body was bloated and she was very, very sick. I sat there in ICU, with her, in the stillness of the night. Doctors and nurses came and went, frustrated that the dialysis was not working. I was becoming more and more frightened with each passing hour. The second thing that happened whic remained was the lesson I learned about prayer and faith and priesthood. Earlier that same night a man from the ward came to the hospital and we gave your mom a priesthood blessing. I blessed her that she would be well and that the treatments would work. I blessed her that Heavenly Father would heal her and give her a long and healthy life. I wanted that so very bad. But as the night went on, it started to look like the blessing would not pan out. It seemed like hope and faith were more like wishful thinking. I knew God could heal her, but I was beginning to wonder if He would actually intervene and save her. I was at one of those " My will vs. His will" crossroads of life. At one point, one of the nurses looked panicked. She gave me the impression that if the dialysis did not start working soon, Natalie might not make til morning. I agonized and I cried and I prayed. And finally I gave up. I told Heavenly Father that if it was "His Will" that my baby die, then go ahead and take her. Don't let her suffer and please help me to accept it, and not be bitter about it."

And here is the lesson learned. The moment I gave in and stopped pleading for what I wanted. The moment I honestly and faithfully declared "Thy will be done" everything changed.. Within an hour the dialysis just started to work. Toxic fluids started to drain out. Your mom's kidneys could rest and heal. The blood transfusion nourished her body until her own blood was right. God did in fact give me exactly what I did want. But he did not do it until I was willing to show enough faith and trust in Him to bring to pass the best outcome. Only when I gave up my most urgent desires, and accept His will, did he grant my most deepest desire. Strange as that may sound, it has been one of the most important experiences of my life. My faith and trust in Jesus Christ has much of it's root from that dark night in Children's Hospital with your mother, back in September of 1991.

Fast forward now and let me tell you why I was at peace that day in the waiting room while you were in surgery just a few weeks ago. Many years ago I damaged my knee playing sports as a youngster. Over time the bones in my knee disintegrated. And the time drew near when I knew it was time to undergo a major surgery of my own, in order to get the malady corrected. I prayed and prayed. I really did not want a surgery. But the voice of the spirit whispered to me when I prayed. "It's time" Is what I kept hearing. I was led to a doctor who concured that I needed a new joint. A date was set for July 1. A couple of weeks before the surgery I was up in Utah to participate in your baby blessing and the baby blessing of your cousin James. During that visit, I asked your mom's brother's, Uncle Jason and Uncle Rocky to give me a blessing for my surgery. Now I had more faith than in 1991. I had more trust. With confidence, I asked Jason to bless me that I would not only be healed in a remarkable way, but that I would not experience the horrific pain that most people feel after such a procedure. He did just that . And a peace settled in and I knew that what I requested was what God was willing to grant. And it all worked out. Within two weeks after my surgery I was able to go to the temple to be with your aunt Stefanie when she took out her endowments. No severe pain ever set in. And I was able to drive to Utah and comfortably wait at the hospital during your operation, just one month after my own. I even went and hit golf balls with my dad just before I came back to California. It was truly a miracle...AGAIN....just like 1991.

Little Mister. The experience I had in those weeks just prior to your surgery made me feel like you could have a miracle too. I did pray for those weeks that you would be healed without a surgery. I put your name on the prayer list at the temple. And I continued to try and accept the will of the Father. His will was that you needed to undergo the surgery, and he would provide the way for you to have a successfull procedure and heal up well. Because I understood that as I drove to Utah, I felt sure that giving you a blessing of healing would be the right thing to do. With Full Faith in Jesus Christ, your dad and myself laid our hands on your head just hours before your operation and blessed you to have a successful surgery and that you would heal without complications and be well. As I said Amen, a peace settled in on me. I KNEW that you were going to be all right. As I sat in the waiting room, never once did I worry or fret about you. I knew it was going all right. Your short stay in ICU and your short stay on the floor was further evidence to me that God was holding you in his hands.

I will conclude with this and want you grasp a hold of the concept. I knew that you would be OK when PEACE settled in on me. Feeling peace is evidence that the Holy Ghost is present. And when the Holy Ghost is present, the Atonement is automatically working. The Savior blessed your doctors, He blessed you, and he got you through the acute phase and He is healing you now. And now you have a chance to thrive rather than merely survive. The atonement is working when the Holy Ghost is present. And we know the Holy Ghost is present when we peace God's Peace. That concept is one of the most remarkable concepts I have ever learned.

Gage Mason Moore....I love you Little Mister! I love your mother! And I love your Father! Your family is a great blessing to me!

Big (Grand) Papa Dick

dear gage ~ love momma

Is it possible to love your face more than any other face?










Because I do! Shhhhh, don't tell your dad, it wouldn't be good for his ego!

you like it clean!

You are the only little man that can make me so mad, that my hair literally stands up, and the only little man that can immediately make me smile. You are amazing.

You have a weird obsession with electronics. I say weird, because its not all electronics, its only the brand new ones. You used to LOVE daddies ipod, it was brand new and shiny. But then momma got a brand new blackberry. “Forget the ipod, that phone is NEW!”

Because I am the sweet mom that I am, and I LOVE to see those sweet juicy cheeks smile, I let you play with my phone while I gathered and sorted all of the laundry. When I had all the laundry ready to go, I set you in the basket and we headed downstairs to wash it all.

Shortly, after I heard a repetitive thud, thud, thud.

Turns out that you got bored playing with momma brand new blackberry. So you set it down into the laundry just in time for mom to toss it in. Little mister, I want to report, that the phone is not working…but it is squeaky clean! Thank you


I find you so irresistible; that even breaking momma phone ends in laughs, giggles and cuddles. I love that you know how to make me smile. I love the fact that you have to know what I am doing at all time. I love that when I leave you whine. I love that you have learned the art of leaping from daddies arms just so that you can get closer to me. I love that when you are playing on your tummy, you reach for me. I love the way you love me.

packin' on the weight

You eat like a horse, a very adorable, good smelling, hairless horse. But a horse nonetheless.

It’s been six weeks since your surgery and you are packing on the weight. You cheeks have life in them for the first time. And you legs finally have rolls. You are becoming my Gerber baby. And I love it. Snuggling into your squishy body is far more entertaining now.

You were eating so often that momma had to get something in you that would help hold you off. Every hour was getting to be a little much for momma. We started with rice cereal.

You hated it

You hated it because you couldn’t eat as fast with a spoon. We struggled. You cried. And eventually you got what you wanted, a bottle. Only, this bottle had the rice cereal in it. You would pant when eating like you hadn’t eaten in years. In public I always worry that people think I starve you. I promise I feed you often and always!



You are getting better with a spoon. And you have since moved on to sweet potatoes. You still prefer if I pour the food in, but you have more patience for the spoon now.

You are eating like a horse, and packing on the weight. Its simply scrumptious!

the one with heart

xoxo

heart walk ~ 2010

dear gage,

did you know you have a following?

gage's groupies

did you know you have your own branding?

one saturday or so ago your family and friends met up early in the morning to walk a 5k in your honor for the american heart association.  team name :: gage's groupies.  pretty dang cool right?

aunt dana captured much with her camera and then she shared the photos with us so we could be sure to show you and tell you all about it.  

this is aunt dana.  aunt dana is married to uncle jason.  this is uncle jason.  uncle jason is your mommy's brother. but, you know that by now.

aunt dana took photos of all of us as we walked to the start line.   and then she took some more. 

see for yourself.

look at you with momma.  you love your momma.

nana, aunt amanda and kayleen

uncle jake doesn't hold you often. he says you always spit up on him.  but, he held you in this photo and guess what happened?  i think you're pretty funny.  

uncle jake, you, cousins cayden and gavin and of course, daddy

cousin brooklyn, me (auntie em) and you, sweet gage

your team was slowed down quite a bit by cousin gavin.  he really wanted to walk but, his legs aren't very long so there was a lot of waiting for gavin's party to catch up.

that there on the left is keri and there on the right, that's kerrisa.  she's pushing your friend payten in the stroller.

grandpa craig was there gage.  he was all geared out with his music ready to go.  do you know what he was listening to?  me neither.  let's remember to ask him, okay?

here you are gage, "the one with heart" about to cross the finish with daddy.  see, you're even wearing your walking shoes.

oh, you're so proud of your team. 

we're so proud of you gage.  you've been through so much and you're still all smiles.  i've been lucky enough to see you quite a bit lately and i can attest to the miraculous journey you've been through.  it's like your surgery never happened.  you're getting heavier and you're very close to sitting on your own.  won't that be fun?!

i love you gage.

mommy sent some new pictures my way today.  i'll post them for you very soon.

until then

xoxo

dear gage ~ love momma

Little Mister, momma believes in miracles! Two weeks, two days, and a few hours later, I lay here on the bed, just like I used to when daddy is gone, and you growl as you nuzzle your face into my neck. I love your growl. I have missed your ferocious little roar. My favorite however, is when I growl back, and you giggle. You giggle, followed by a sigh. I like to think you are thinking “awe, this is the life,” because I sure am!

Your first week home from the hospital was hard. I couldn’t hold my baby like I wanted to. And if that wasn’t hard enough, when I did hold you, you cried for hours on end. It wasn’t your normal whimper telling me your were tired. It was a painful. “momma I am hurting,” kinda cry. It hurt to watch. It hurt me to hold you. I would call daddy crying that I couldn’t make you feel better. The big fancy doctors tell me that you are simply adjusting to being off medication. Simply? Nothing about putting my baby on my bed, closing the door and turning the tv WAY up just to calm myself down was simple. My baby was hurting and it was starting to hurt me. I lost a lot of sleep that week that you came home. I worried. I always worry. Little mister I worry because I love you. I hate to see you hurting.

Slowly you started sleeping through the night again. But there were times that I wondered if life would ever go back to the way it was. Back to when you would laugh and play for hours on end. Back to when you loved to roll around on the ground, and often make it from the couch to the ground. Back to when you would giggle when you found your own hands. Sometimes I wondered if you would be a momma’s boy again. I love that you are a momma’s boy. I love that I can make you feel better. But there were moment that I worried that it wouldn’t be the same.

The time came that I had to go back to work. It was hard. I missed you always. I wanted to be with you constantly. I wanted to see every step of your recovery. I wanted to watch you sleep, and smell your skin. I wanted to be there, be right next to you. I wanted to feel you soft feet kick, kick, kick. I didn’t want to miss a thing. Going back to work that day was like leaving you with your auntie for the first time when I went back to work after having you. Being away for 6 hours makes me miss you more. It makes me want more of you. I want to bundle you up and hold you forever. I want you to tell me stories, and squeal in your high pitch voice that makes me laugh every time, no matter how often you do it. . I love you. I wanted you. I missed you.

Nana came to watch you. It was great having her, no matter how jealous I was that she got to be with you! She loves to watch you. She teaches you lots of bad habits! She holds you lots, and walks you even more....things i wish i could more, but just don't have the time. Nana has recently gotten into hiking and walking, so she whips out the stroller or the Bjorn everyday and you two go on adventures. Once she even strapped you to her chest and hiked up to a gorgeous waterfall. She walks for 3-4 hours with you everyday. I come home and find goodies that she picked up from Harmon's on her outings. I wish I could take you on more adventures. You LOVE being outside.

When you finally were feeling better, momma decided it would be fun for all of our family and friends to join the American Heart Association and recognize little ones like you by walking a 5k. We were told that all of the heart survivors walking only needed to walk 1 lap…that meant people like you! You made it about a quarter of a lap, and then you fell asleep. That walk put you right out! You slept for the remainder of the walk. Daddy had to wake you up to cross the finish line.

After a picnic in the park and few hours of Frisbee golf, we took our little mister home, and we all took a nap on the big bed, as a family. Baby boy, that was a big day. That was the day that it hit momma. I laid there thinking about everything that our family had been through in the short 4 months of your life. Miracles really do happen! It was then that you woke up and we laid in bed, just like we used to. You were as good as new. Your titanium heart was beating at a normal rate, you were eating like a horse again, and you were back to being my little mister. My little mister that pulls my hair, and drools on my clothes. My little mister that makes my house a mess even though he doesn’t walk. My little mister that loves to talk to himself in the mirror. My little mister that loves his momma. That was a big day. I had never experienced a miracle for myself until that day. I knew that they had existed for other people. But that day, laying with you, going a whole day without screams and cried. That day I believed in miracles. You are my miracle. It only took two weeks, two days and a few hours for you to completely recover from an open-heart surgery.

Little mister, you are the one with heart, and I heart you!

Love momma

two week post-surgery check up

dear gage,

your mommy sent me an email today.  she told me some neat things about you and showed me some super neat pictures.  see yourself above?  i especially like the one where you've found your hand and the other showing your awesome tipping-over skills.j

i miss you gage.

i haven't seen you for too long to admit.  soon though.  soon we'll get to hang out.  i hope you'll remember me.

here's a copy of your mommy's email.  i think it's neat that you're getting teeth so you can start eating food that will make your poop smell awesome.  

love,

auntie em

p.s.  gavin said you could have his ollie the octopus rocker for your room.  i think you'll really like it.

The little guy can take a much needed bath again! These sponge baths are not cutting it!!! At his two week check up they took off his bandages. I will make sure to get pics of his teeny tiny scar {posted} soon! The incision is healing perfectly, an his dissolving stiches have almost fully disolved. He had a very long and very thin scar. When i get home from work i will send you of pic of his x-ray too so you can see his device! 

They say he is doing fabulous! They couldn't have imagined a better recovery. He will continue to see a cardiologist, but his next appointment isn't for 3 months! thank goodness! We are getting sick of this place!

He is rolling all over the place again....there have been some instances that he nearly made it off the couch...too close of calls for mommy! He is back to his stubborn self, wanting to do everything the big kids are doing, the only difference is that he vocalizing his wants more than ever. So when he feels let out...you know it! We are excited for the {American Heart Association} walk this weekend! He loves the fresh air!

Sadly he is teething. But on the bright side all the crying is only from teething and not from the pain of his surgery. He is totally off Lortab....which we haven't decided is good or bad, because maybe he needs it for his poor mouth?

Attached are some pics from the other day. Happy as can be!

{p.p.s from auntie: the photo below confused me.  that purple background makes your comb over look like a mohawk!}

xoxo

dear gage

Hi Moore Family,

We just wanted to welcome you home!!! Gage you look amazing! (From what we see in the pictures). I love your vibrant smile, it is so contagious, you are one handsome dude and we sure hope we get to see you around soon. Love you guys.

The Masons

Jen, Coulter, Gav, Afton, Deag and Logan

dear gage

Gage,

Good news, you're healing now. Your "big day" is over and from what I hear you are taking it like a champ. Congrats. Now, I understand that I'm thinking pretty selfishly here, but I'm excited that your heart is healing because I am in the hunt for a running parter...and I'm figuring that in the relatively near future I'll be able to have you signed up for your first race and eager for more. :)

Gage you are an amazing little nephew. You have a special place in my heart. Hearing about your condition before the surgery and the operation you needed now had me in tears and on my knees in fervent prayer. I look back now and after seeing how well you've done through this whole process I realize that if I only had half the faith that you did I would have saved myself from so much of my worry. Gage you are a blessing in all of our lives. With that being said I would like to leave you with one piece of advice:

"You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him. ~Leo Aikman"

If that doesn't work for you, then when you're old enough to drive, "if a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, be sure to honk your horn and wave your arms out the window uncontrollably. This should help the car start and send it on it's way".

I Love You Gage,

Aunt Steffy

dear gage

Dear Gage,

What a little trooper you are! Congratulations to you for your spectacular recovery. We love you and are so happy for your Mommy and Daddy and Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunts and Uncles and cousins who love you so, so much and are taking such good care of you. What a blessing to have the medical care we do now. Blessings, blessings.

Love,
The Gomez family

dear gage - love momma

Day 5

Gage baby! You are home! Waking up this morning to find you playing with your pet giraffe, wearing an attractive cut off onesie (because you had drooled on your cute jammies), kicking your legs as if you were running, smiling as happy as can be...its almost as if i have you back to your good 'ol self. Some of the best news we have heard yet came from your cute nurse Amy. She tells us that you were a champ all night, so much so, that we get to take you home! The thought alone of having you back home and out of this drab hospital made me squeal! The aquatic theme is entertaining for ‘lil ones, but a bit much for momma. She could use a change right about now!

Getting your vitals checked for the last time, signing the discharge forms, and trying to understand what medications you need to take, all seems to be a blur, and its only been a few hours. Maybe because I was fixated on getting you out of there, maybe because my ADD has become worse than ever lately, whatever the case, lets hope daddy was paying better attention!

When Momma finally got to hold you tight and walk you out of those doors, the pure adrenaline made me a little loopy, its almost like I was on your lortab! I was on a mission, nothing could stop me, I was fixated on the exit sign. The papers were signed, we had gotten the signal, and that's when I stepped up the pace and we hustled out those doors! I even dropped your giraffe on the way!

The moment we stepped out of the huge revolving door, into the crisp cool air, you smiled. You know, the huge kind of smile? The one where you squinch your nose and close your eyes tight. It was bright. Clearly you had been locked in that room far too long! It’s been a long time since your auntie has taken you out in the sun in the big double stroller!

Getting you into your car seat for the first time after surgery was scary. Momma didn’t want her little mister to hurt. That huge buckle right against your broken sternum, Ouch! But you took it like a champ. So much so, you fell asleep for the entire ride home.

When we got home we didn't hesitate to lay you in the middle of the big comfy bed. Has momma told you how comfy this bed is? It felt so good to be back home. We rested that sweet head of your onto your pillow. Did you know you had your own pillow (well two actually!). Mommy and daddy used to have to pillows each. But as always, you get was you want. We figured we could both sacrifice one, so that our baby was as comfy as can be. One for your head, and one to prop up those legs. You sleep better on your pillows than ours. You were in your giraffe jammies. They were crisp white and clean, even smelled good too. It probably wasn't going to last long, but int he moment it all seemed perfect.You smiled lots. Like those huge smiles where we expect a loud laugh, but you are always silent. Momma and daddy laid down on either side. I am hoping you went to sleep fast, because next thing I knew, I was waking up next to two sleeping boys, three hours later!

The lortab makes you sleepy, but I suppose that’s a good thing. Grandma think babies heal faster when they are asleep. So we are going to stick with that logic for now!

Its so nice to have you home. Its scary at times, not being able to pick you up like I used to. I always worry about hurting you. But you reassure me with that big smile that everything is ok momma!

I love you munchkin!

Love, momma